Sports Relief Special
by PinkPanther9.7
Summary: I get the chance to show and teach the Transformers some human sports,it is painful business, Ice skating causes a few major problems as i teach them the basics.please Review after reading thank you
1. H is for Hockey

H is for Hockey 

And the understanding of how to hit the puck

Disclaimer:

Have No Legal Grip on Transformers (All Generations)Armada Megatron's lesson on Hockey is a tricky and dangerous as i found out.(no mary sues)

Me: Right I think for this training session I should introduce you to Hockey, Megatron now I will need to listen to me I am going to teach you the basics.

Megatron: Excellent,(_realises_ _something) _what's Hockey human.'

Me: It's a game humans play with these, (_points to pile of hockey sticks)_ take one. (_he does)_

Megatron:'And what precisely do you do with them?

Me: You swing them at this, (_holds puck up to his face)_ ok hit the puck (_drops it then-)_

_#THWACK#_

Me: '-YEOWCH (_rubs sore head)_ you are meant to swing at the puck not me'

Megatron: Whoops sorry, (_realises)_ hey I don't have to apologise to a wierdo bone bag like you#mutters#'

#Fume#

Me: Don't be so rude! (_washes his mouth out with soap)_ Now pay attention Megatron while I do it_(I hit the puck it skims the floor)_

Megatron:#splutters# Sorry PinkPanther9.7, easy peasy he stomps over and takes aim

Me: 'Really,go on then hit the puck.'_( he swingswith egotisticical boastfulness but thestick flies out of his hands and hits a china cabnet with a loud)_

_CRASH_

Megatron: #sarcastic# 'oh ,I am soo sorry'

I yet again wash his mouth out with soap but he is now seething he swings his stickin rage

_(he Unsuccessfully hits it, through temper he destroys his throne.)_

Me: Primus help me,_(to Megatron)_ you are a hopeless candidate for hockey training you have an awful temper.

Megatron:'WHY YOU STUPID LITTLE FLESHIE, I AM THE GREATEST I WILL SQUISH YOU INSOLENT LITTLE BUG!'

Me: EEEP that concludes this session, HELP! (_flies away)_


	2. A is for Archery

A Is For Archery

Disclaimer: I Have No Legal Grip on the Transformers (All Generations), this time it's Shockblast's turn

Let the lesson begin;

Me: 'I am back, now it is time for you're lesson Shockblast in archery.'

Shockblast: 'What is archery, and why are you irritating me'

_(I look at him)_

Me: 'It is an ancient sport played in medieval Earth, and it's my job Shockers.'

Shockblast: 'How do you play it, and with what precisely.'

Me_ :( hands him a bow and three arrows)_ 'with these.'

Shockblast: #fume# 'What are these supposed to be.'

Me: 'That's a bow and that is a quiver of arrows.'

Shockblast: 'How do they work?' _(I look at him again)_

Me: 'Right, seeing as you don't have a left hand we will play it differently.'

Shockblast: Ok show me you little weirdo.'_(I ignore his comment)_

_(I tie the arrow string to his legs and lies him down and places an arrow onto the string facing away from him and stood back.)_

Me: 'Pull the arrow the end with out the pointy thing, towards you and then let go.'

Shockblast: 'Don't tell me what to do _(he fires the arrow; but it hits Megatron in the butt)_

Megatron: '**YEEEEEOWWWWWCH why you little pest,' **

_(He runs at us fuming) '_Shockblast c'mere you one eyed idiot.'

Shockblast: #laughs his head off while running# 'this really is my day, now what?' _(Megatron fires at us but he misses)_

Me and Shockblast: _(to megatron)_'Your ego is as big as your arse, all hail Megatron the all mighty wind bag!'

Megatron: #snarls# Insolent little insects!'_(he chases us out of the throne room and to the far end of the base)_

_a second day of sports finished but I am not hurt this time_


	3. G is for golf

G is for golf

Disclaimer: I Have No Legal Grip on the Transformers (all generations)

This lesson involves the whole armada cast of Decepticons

Let the lesson begin

The Decepticons warp to a golf course by ''accident''

Megatron: #seethes# 'What did I say about punching in right co-ordinates demolisher'

Me: 'Hiya Megatron you are just in time for your lesson today.'

Megatron: 'Oh no notHER again what has she got planned this time?'

Demolisher: 'Who is that sir?'

Cyclonus 'And what does she have in that capsule?'

Megatron: 'She is the most annoying human that has ever lived, I don't care.'

#fume#

Me: 'Right, this is the lesson in golf.'

Megatron: 'What the pit is golf?'

Me:'A sport that humans play on a green like this.'

Cyclonus: 'what with?'

Me: 'These.' _(hands out golf clubs)_

Thrust: 'What do we do with these?'

Me 'You swing them at a golf ball, (shows him a golf ball) like this one'

Thrust: 'How like this?' _( heswings it backwards and Hits Demolisher on the head)_

Thwack

Demolisher: OOF THRUST NOT ON MY HEAD!

Me: 'Noat the golf ball like this, _(hits the ball correctly)_ now who wants a turn.'

Cyclonus: 'Oh oo me me meee MEEE!'

Me: 'All right then, now put the club to the ball and backswing hold now swing.'

TEAR

Wheeljack: 'Well done Cyclonus you wrecked the green(!)'

Me: 'Wheeljack your turn.'

Wheeljack: 'Right, this is easy. _(He hits the ball but it ricochets of a rock and smashes his teeth)_ or not owww.'

Megatron: 'Humph, little pain in the skid plate.'

Me: 'Oi it- #washes his mouth out with soap# doesn't pay to be cheeky.'

Thrust: 'My turn c'mon please.'

Me: 'Ok then after you its Demolisher'

Thrust 'Yes.' _(He swings but he misses, the golf club flies out of his hand and lands in the lake.)_

Me: 'Oh no, I always keep spares in my caddy sack.'

Megatron:'A what?'

Me: 'Oh this, it is where I keep all the golf clubs in, here you go Demolisher.'_ (Hands him the new golf club)_

Demolisher: 'Thanks now lets se now _(he misses the ball, in temper he gouges out a lump of soil out of the ground)_ BAH!'

Megatron: 'Oh let me you moron._(he misses he buttries again but this timethe ball hits Galvatron on the head)_ woops!'

THUNK

Galvatron: 'OW, WHO HIT ME WITH THIS!' _(he brandishes the golf ball at us furiously)_

All: 'Megatron!'

Galvatron: #fume#'Why you……!'

Megatron: 'She made us play this idiotic game.' _(he points at me)_

Me: 'Yup want to play?' _(looks at me angrilybut gives way)_

Galvatron: 'Ok is this how it's done?' _(He swings and let's go of the club and it smashes a window)_

Me: 'That ends our game RUN!'

Man: 'Come Here You bung ofHoodlums!'

we warp back to the moon i was kicked out of the base but i allways come back!

_(I had to own up to smashing that window again i diddent get hurt)_


	4. I is for Irish sport

IIs For Irish Sports: Hurling

Disclaimer I Have No Legal Grip on Transformers (All Generations)

I Jump Through To The Armada Episode Drift To Collect A Few Students For Their Sports Lesson However; They Need A Lot Of Persuasion, That I Dragged Them By Force.

Let It Begin

Wheeljack: 'What Happened, Where's the Ship?'

Hotshot: 'Where's Galvatron?'

Galvatron: 'Right Here Autobot, This Is Not Funny Thrust I Am Going to Kill That Squid Head For This'

Me: 'Well Hello My Students'

Galvatron: 'Where Have You Taken Us This Time You Irritating Child'

Me: ' Ireland Oh and Galvatron-_(Sprays Foam at Galvatron)_-Don't Be So Rude'

Hotshot: 'Eh?'

Me: 'Oh It's On Earth We Are On Earth'

Galvatron: 'So what's So Important That You Dragged Us All The Way to This Dirt Ball?'

Me: 'Hurling'

Galvatron: 'Pardon?'

Me: 'The Humans Play This Game in Ireland with These (_Points to 3 Hurling Sticks)' _

Galvatron: What Are They?

Me: 'Hurling Sticks'

Hotshot: 'How Do They Work?'

Wheeljack: 'Do They Need Batteries'

Galvatron: 'How Do You Play ''Hurling'''

Me: 'It's A Variation of Hockey, But This Time You Keep the Ball/Puck in the Air Using One of Those Sticks'

Galvatron: 'I ASKED YOU A QUESTION, HOW DO YOU PLAY THIS ''HURLING''!'

ME: _( I Fingers my Ear in Frustration at Getting Yelled At)_ 'Primus Using an Indoor Voice Wouldn't Kill You Galvatron Yeesh'

Hotshot: 'So How Do You Play?'

Me: 'Right Pick A Stick And Wait _(Every One Grabs A Stick And Waits)_ Now Try Balancing The Ball On The Stick.'

Wheeljack: 'Look At This I'm Doin' It See'

Me 'Well Done Wheeljack'

Galvatron: 'Yes I Did This Simple Task So Now What You Human Pestilence'

Me: 'Try Something A Little Harder This Time, Now Try Moving With The Ball On The Stick And Don't Insult Me Galvatron.'

Wheeljack: 'Move Hotshot I'm Coming Through- _(They Hit Each Other In the Mouth with Their Sticks)_ -Oww'

Me: 'Oh Dear, No Stop Galvatron Look Out There's A Pile up Ahead!'

Galvatron: 'Wha-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh _(He Fell Over the Two on the Floor)'_

Me: 'That Went Well (!)' _(Runs Up To the Three)_

Galvatron: _(From the Floor)_ 'Why You Little Pain, If You Was- I'll-'

_(I Squirt Him to Death with Foamy Soap Foam) _

Me: 'What You Can't Do Any Thing, You All Foamed A Pile on the Floor'

Hotshot: _(After getting up)_ 'I'll teach Rad Some of Her Foam Jokes'

Wheeljack: 'Now What? We tried and Succeeded in Completing That Task and her jokes are not funny'

Me: ' Oi My Jokes Are Not That Bad, Now Try Passing With Out Smashing Each Others Teeth In.'

_(They Started Passing but Hotshot and Wheeljack Started To Fight They Were Being A Tad Rough Until-) _

THWACK

Galvatron: 'OOWWWWWWWCHHHHHHH!' _(He Was On His Back Holding a Hand to His Head)_

Me: 'Who Is Responsible For this?'

Hotshot: 'Wheeljerk'

Wheeljack: 'Hotshit'

_(Galvatron Groggily Got Up On His Feet and Looked Punchdrunkedly at Me) _

Galvatron: 'Oww Now That Did Hurt'

Me: 'Hotshot, Wheeljack Get Me an Ice Pack and Aspirin Stat.'

_(They Ran To the Ice Box Dispenser and Got the Ice Back To Me) _

Me: 'He'll Be Fine in a Minute That Was Stupid'

Galvatron: 'I'm going to Kill You Little Slagging Infantile Moron Wheeljack '

Me: 'Hey Hey! Enough Just Get Back To the Lesson'

Galvatron: 'You Meddling Little-----.'

Me: 'What Did- _(Covers Him with Foam)_ - I Say About Being Rude'

_(The Other Two Were Now Fighting With The Sticks And They Were Giving Each Other Massive Bruising And Gouging Out The Floor.) _

Me: 'Ummm Maybe This Wasn't A Good Idea After All, Teaching Those Two Is Like Teaching A Piranha How To Love A Guppy.'

Galvatron: 'Um right what's a Guppy?'

_(The Two Did Not Notice the Two Sticks Fly Out Of Their Hands and Hit a Police Car on the Windshield and It Smashed) _

Me: 'Um Let's Call It A Day Then Shall We Retreat, its a fish Galvatron that i have as a pet'

_(We Warped Back and Wheeljack Handed Me Over To Hot Shot Claiming I Am a Nuisance Huh As If) _

_(The Smashed Wind Shield Cost ME A Lot of Euros)_

_read and review_


	5. C is for Cricket

C is for Cricket

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Transformers (all generations)

They get the basic gist of cricket

Armada Demolisher, Galvatron, Megatron and Cyclonus, Starscream Play Cricket

two words: BIG TROUBLE!

The Said Decepticons Warp to a Cricket Field by "Accident"

Megatron: 'Oh No Here We Go Again'

Cyclonus: 'What Again Golf?'

Galvatron: no idea (Points To a Pile of Bats on the Floor) 'What Are Those Bits of Wood'

(The Others Shrug)

Me: 'Hullo Galvy I See You Found My Co-Ordinates Fine'

Megatron_: (Optics Bug Out To the Size of Plates at the Sight of Me)_ 'SWEET MERCIFUL PRIMUS NOT YOU AGAIN'

Me: _(Grins)_ 'Yep'

Demolisher: 'What Are Those On The Floor?'

Me: 'Cricket Bats'

Galvatron: 'I Beg Your Pardon You Use Animals For Hitting Objects?'

Starscream: 'She Said Cricket Bats the Ones Made Of Bits of Wood Galvatwit Are You Deaf'

Galvatron: 'How Dare You Backchat Your commanding officer'

Me: _(Groans)_ 'Shut Up the Pair of You'

Megatron: 'What Are Those Twigs On The Floor?'

Me: 'Cricket Bats I told you already'

Cyclonus: 'C'mon Tell Us How to Play'

Me: 'Grab a Bat and Wait'

_(They Each Get a Bat and Stood Waiting)_

Starscream: 'Do You Hit People with Them _(Hits Cyclonus on the Head)_'

Me: 'No You Hit This Ball with It Like This _(I Demonstrate the Action)_ Easy Now You Try'

_(Cyclonus Swings the Bat and Hits Megs in the Gut)_

Me: 'Cyclonus……Hit the Ball Not Him Ok'

Megatron: 'Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww'

Galvatron: 'Whoops Heads Down'

(His Bat Came Flying Out Of No Where and Hit Demolisher on the Head)

Me: 'That's Heads Up, Oh No This Is Getting Dangerous'

Starscream: 'If I Have To Cooperate With Galvatron That Bigheaded excuse for a Leader Any Longer I Am Going To…..Agghh'

Galvatron: 'Humph I Really Loathe You Starscream. Keep My Head Out Of This'

Starscream: 'I Hate You with Great Intensity and You Have Such a Large Head It's like Your Ego. Massive'

Galvatron: 'You All Ways Seem to Have a Piranha Lodged up Your Afterburner Seeker and You're The One with the Ego Not Me'

_(Starscream Belts Galvatron with His Cricket Bat, And Galvatron: Retaliates)_

Galvatron: 'GRAAAAHHHHHHHHH!'

_(I Slap My Face with My Hand with Irritancy As Galvatron Tackles Starscream Down)_

Galvatron: 'Feel My Wrath Seeker' _(Thumps Screamer with a Cricket Bat)_

Starscream: 'Take This Horn Head' _(Hits Galvatron in the Face with a Cricket Bat)_

_(Cyclonus Watches the Row Escalate)_

Megatron: 'Stupid Insolent Seeker…Oof!'

_(Starscream Lobs His Bat at Megatron)_

Megatron: 'HOW DARE YOU HIT YOUR COMANDING OFFICER WITH A BAT!'

_(All Three Were Fighting Now, And Yelling Insults at Each Other With Extreme Venom)_

_(I Hold an Air horn To Galvatron's Audio and Presses the Button)_

SKIIIIRRRRLLLLL

Galvatron: 'Agghh Primus What Was That For Fleshy'

Me: 'Now That I Have Your Undivided Attention I Hope You Got That Out Of Your Systems Now I Want You Split Into Pairs And Throw The Ball To Your Partner'

Cyclonus: 'Can I Go With Demolisher Plz'

Me: 'Ok Galvatron, Megatron, Starscream You Three Pare Up Ok'

Starscream: _(Groan)_ 'Fine I'll Bowl to Galvadum and Megatrump Here'

_(He Bowls Towards Galvatron's Head Which It Soars Between His Horns And Hits A Flood Light And Then Rebounds And Smashes Cyclonus's Rotor Blades_

Cyclonus: 'YEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW'

Me: 'Primus Help Me'

Galvatron: All Right Throw the Stupid Ball Imbecile'

_(Starscream Lobs It at Galvatron's Face and hit it right between his optics)_

Galvatron: AUGH

_(Starscream Smirked At Galvatron Who Was On His Feet And Seething, He Swung His Bat At Screamers Face It Slipped And Hit A man On The Head.) _

Man: 'Oi Come Here You Little Hoodlum'

Megatron: 'Um What Do We Do Now?'

Me: 'Warp Away'

_(The Others Warped Away Leaving Me to Apologize, They Are In So Much Trouble)_


	6. Gymnastics

Gymnastics

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own the Featured Transformers Armada, Energon and G1 Only Their Accidents Belong To Me

Transformers That Are the Students

(Armada) Starscream, (Energon) Snowcat, (Energon) Shockblast, (Armada) Galvatron, (G1) Ruckus, (G1) Thunderwing, (Armada) Demolisher

_They All Appear At a Sports Hall with Leotards in Their Hands and Confusion Playing Across Their Optics _

Let It Begin 

Galvatron: Oh No Not Again

Thunderwing: I Smell Trouble And It Has Something To Do With These Costumes.

Demolisher: Yes

Snowcat: I Bet This Is At Our Expense

Thunderwing: Well I Am Not Staying To Find Out See Ya.

Me: Come Back Here Lord Thunderbutt

Thunderwing: Wing

Ruckus: I Do Not Like This

Thunderwing: What Does She Want?

Me: I Am Going To Show You the Gymnastics

Shockblast: (Sighs) I Know Where This Is Headed

They Enter the Sports Hall and I Face the TFS

Me: Now This Time I Will Watch You

Galvatron: Why Am I Even More Scared Now?

Thunderwing: What For She Is a Fleshling, I Am Not Scared Of a Mere Child

Me: Well Do What You Please and Appearances Are Deceiving

(They Spread Out and Chaos Reigns As Snowcat Lands on His Head on the Horse)

Snowcat: Oof

(Galvatron Was Doing a Painful Pose on the Floor)

(Starscream Was Laughing Hysterically At This)

Galvatron: Insolent (_Winces_) Seeker

Me: This Is Fun Letting Them Do the Sports Instead Of Teaching Them

Shockblast: Watch Were Your Jumping Bird Brain

Demolisher: Shut Up Git

_(Shockblast is bounced Off the Trampoline and Lands on the Floor like a Javelin Cannon First) _

Shockblast: 'Demolisher WHEN I GET FREE I AM GOING TO KILL YOU'

(Thunderwing Was over swinging on the Rings as a Result He Was So Tangled Up That He Was Dangling By One Ankle Upside Down and Swinging His Arms like Windmills)

Thunderwing: (Revolving Slowly) GET ME DOWN!

Me: Are You All Right Lord Thunderwing.

Thunderwing: (Irritable Hiss) I Am Dangling Upside Down With Mech Fluids Rushing To My Head WHAT DO YOU THINK AND I ORDER YOU TO GET ME DOWN AT ONCE!

Me: What's The Magic Word?

Thunderwing: (Taken Aback Then Irritated) Please Get Me Down

Me: Well That Is an Improvement (Cuts Him Down On Top Of Shockblast)

Both: Oomph

Me: The Parallel Bar Has Your Names On

_(Galvatron Was Swinging From It Then It Snapped He Fell With the Two Halves Wedged Up His Nostrils) _

_(Starscream Almost Dies Laughing) _

Thunderwing: (Sniggers) That Is the Best Thing That Has Happened So Far

Me: Why Don't You Go and Bounce On the Trampoline

Thunderwing: The What

_(He Reluctantly Got On He Leaped To High and He Just Missed the Ceiling and Landed On His Back on the Trampoline) _

_(Demolisher Ends Up In the Ceiling and Showers Every One with Plaster Shock Blast Manages To Free Himself At Last) _

Shockblast: Oi Right I Am Going To Kill You Pea Brain

_(He Leaps On To the Trampoline Along With the Others and A Very Big Creak Can Be Heard the Guys Did Dent Seem To Notice As They Began To Jump All Except Starscream Who Was Trying To Climb Onto A Beam) _

Me: That Did Dent Sound Good

They Stopped Bouncing and Smashed Through the Ceiling and the Building Began To Crumble

Demolisher: Oops

ME: OH SWEET SACRED PRIMUS IT'S GOING TO CRUMBLE!

(The Building Collapsed Leaving an Annoyed Manager in the Middle)

Manager:** GET OUT AND TAKE THESE HOOLIGANS WITH YOU AND DON'T BRING THEM BACK EVER **

**That was a disaster **


	7. S is for Swimming

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own the Featured Transformers Armada, Energon

''MY LOYAL STUDENTS ''

Armada) Starscream, (Energon) Snowcat, (Energon) Shockblast, (Armada) Galvatron,

Let It Begin

They All Appear At a Swimming Pool Parking Lot Unsurprisingly With Confusion All Over Their Faces

Shockblast: 'Great More Humility and I Was Being Sarcastic'

Me: 'Oh Stop Griping Shocks This Time You Are Swimming'

Galvatron: 'What Is Swimming and Does It Involve Water'

Me: 'Yes Now If You Follow Me'

Starscream: 'Well Galvashit You Answered Your Own Question'

Shockblast: 'That Voice of Yours Agghh It Is Awful_, (Does A High Pitched Starscream Impression)_ Look I Am Starscream and I Have A Very Girly Voice _(Shrieks shrilly at Starscream)_'

Starscream: 'HOW DARE YOU, YOU ONE EYED IMBICLE'

Me: 'Cut That out You Two'

Shockblast: 'Screamerella Here Is an Antagonistic Trump Face'

Me: 'GET IN NOW!'

We Enter the Changing Room Area

Me: 'The Men's Rooms Are to The Right Your Swimming Trunks Are Waiting for You'

Shockblast: 'Our What'

Me: 'Clothes That Those People Are Wearing Now Get In To the Changing Room Now'

About an Hour Has Past Since They Were Shoved Into the Changing Room

Snowcat: _(Yodels)_ 'I Am Ready'

Shockblast: 'Oh, This Is Embarrassing, a Decepticon Like Me Forced Into Doing This Tomfoolery Bah'

Starscream: 'It Suits You Shockypoos'

Me: 'Now Get In To the Pool'

Snowcat: 'How?'

Me: 'Just Get In'

Shockblast Shoves Starscream In To the Pool

Starscream: _(Flails His Arms like A Floundering Thing)_ 'Help Me I Am Drowning'

Shockblast: 'Get Up You Prat You Are At the Shallow End _(Imitates Starscream)_ ''Help Me I Am Drowning At the Shallow End'''

Me: 'Now Go To the Side and Hold onto the Side and Kick'

They Send Mini Tsunamis at Me

Shockblast: 'Ooh I Have a Sneaky Idea'

He Puts His Cannon under Starscream's Butt and fires

_Starscream apparently trumps _

Galvatron: 'For That Seeker You Can Get out Of the Pool Get out AND THAT'S AN ORDER!'

Shockblast Howls with Insane Laughter

Me: 'Right, Now All of You Accompany Me to the Deep End I Will Show You Diving Now Watch Closely'

_I Dive Perfectly _

Me: 'As Soon As You Surface Start Kicking a Keep Going Go On'

They Tried but They Were Abysmal

_Snowcat Ends Up Belly Flopping Painfully _

_Galvatron Caused a Tidalwave _

_Starscream to the Amusement of Shockblast Lost His Trunks _

_Shockblast Just Dived With an Abysmal Style _

Shockblast: 'What I Have This Fragging Monstrosity for A Left Arm'

Starscream: 'Abysmal Shockblast with No Style _(He Laughs At Shocks)_'

Me: 'Now We Try A Breaststroke Next Snowcat Do Not Ski In The…'

CRASH

Me: Swimming Pool

Shockblast + Starscream: 'YOU FRAGGING IMBICLE SNOWCAT!'

Galvatron: 'Primus Its Gong To Cave, I SWEAR I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!'

_It Caved _

_I Was Literally With the Decepticons Thrown Out By the Manager _

Manager: 'GET OUT AND STAY OUT HOLIGAN'

* * *

_review this and tell me what you thought about the chapter_

* * *

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	8. F is for Football

F is for football

Disclaimer I have no legal grip on the transformers just the plot

Some of the Decepticons are present Armada Demolisher, Galvatron, Megatron and Cyclonus, Starscream, wheeljack and thrust

They wind up in a anonymous foot ball field in Manchester

Cyclonus: look Demolisher that fleshy is back

Megatron: That is the final straw human do you comprehend in that peanut sized brain of yours that I hate you

Me: no, however I told you about your insults I have no patience for them (washes his mouth out with soap) do not make me use this again, Now class to the lesson football

Galvatron: I beg your pardon

Me: football it's a sport where we only use our feet to kick this (holds up a football)

Wheeljack: what is it?

Me: a football

Megatron: does it run on energon

Me: No, it is propelled on the force of your foot (I demonstrate this) see

Starscream: so when are we going to use our feet

Me: now if you all like to form a circle here please

(They made a rectangle instead; I sigh and pick up a loud hailer)

Me: CIRCLE NOT A RETANGLE PLEASE (they do it right)

Demolisher: is this correct

Me: yes, oh Galvatron please swing your cannon forwards so that there is room for wheeljack

Galvatron: No, I certainly will not

Me: oh yes you will. Do as you are told Galvatron! 

(I press a button on a remote control and Galvatron and Megatron saw their cannons swing forwards)

Megatron: Oi you- (I threaten him with a soap bar) -never mind

(Starscream snickers at this)

Me: now you kick it to the decepticon you choose and off you go

(Demolisher was first, he hit Cyclonus in the face, and Cyclonus retaliated and kicked demolisher hard in the groin a huge squabble insures)

Megatron: Morons

Galvatron: I really hate that human

Me: ENOUGH

Wheeljack just stepped on the ball it went bang underfoot

I went and got a new ball

Megatron: now what

Me: well the passing did not help let us try shooting the ball into the goal guarded by thrust (evil grin) go thrust

(Thrust stomps of only to have a sprinkler go off underneath him causing him rocket sky high then to land head first like a javelin causing the others into hysterics including me, he gets free at last)

Thrust: not funny Cyclonus (he lobs the sprinkler at him) ow!

Me: go thrust move! Now that there is some one guarding the goal now we aim for the goal

Thrust: #grumble sprinkler, grumble#

Me: every one gather around, this part is easy all you have to do is kick this ball at the goal Cyclonus you go first.

Cyclonus: umm what do we do again?

Megatron: shoot it

Cyclonus: ok (and he shoots it literally) there

Me: #resignedly# ok that is a start Wheeljack your next (I replace the ball again).

Wheeljack: right (he belts the ball, it hits the top post and rebounds and whacks him across the face.) AUUUUGGGHHHH!

Me: at least you did not kill the ball wheelsnot - jack, next up Starscream I am going to throw the ball to you and you will kick it.

Starscream: #yawn# yes (I throw the ball and he slices it with his sword)

Me: #sigh# in future never use your weapons to kick the ball, Demolisher your next (I yet again replace the ball) kick it

Demolisher kicks the ball quite hard and scores thrust lobs it back I place it on the floor

Galvatron: when is it my turn

Me soon Galvy Megatron your up now kick the ball and don't step on it

Megatron: what

Me: step on it

Megatron: very well human you are the teacher

(Megatron stamps on it)

Me: #groan# my big gob and me mouthing off

Galvatron: when is it my turn human!

(I go and replace the ball yet again)

Me: now, wait _(he furiously glares at me)_ kick it

(He does and it missed the goal and smashed the score screen into pieces and it crashed down onto the field, causing a huge noise)

Manager: _(furiously)_ GET OUT OF THIS STADIUM THIS MINUTE YOU VANDALS AND NEVER COME BACK!

_We warped away but I was left there to explain my self to the police_


	9. Ice skating

**Ice-Skating**

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own the Featured Transformers Armada, Energon and G1 Only Their Accidents Belong To Me

Some of the Decepticons Are Present Armada Demolisher, Galvatron, Megatron and Cyclonus, Demolisher and Thunderwing

They End Up At An Anonymous Ice Rink, With Confusion Playing Across Their Faces.

LET IT BEGIN

Thunderwing: 'Oh Not Again, Did She Get The Hint That We Do Not Like Sport.'

Megatron: 'Apparently Not.'

Me: 'Welcome To Coralville Ice Rink, Where You Would Learn Ice-Skating'

All: 'Bless You'

(Cyclonus Howled With Laughter)

Me: 'Now, If You Follow Me I Will Explain.'

Galvatron: 'GOOD GREIF!'

Me: 'Now As I Was Saying Ice-Skating Is A Sport You Play On Ice.'

Megatron: 'Wooptidoo'

Me: 'Excuse Me'

Thunderwing: 'Wooptidoo? Nice One'

#Fume#

Me: 'As I Was Saying-, (I Squirt Foam At Both Megatron And Thunderwing) Ice Skating Is Played On Ice With Ice Skates.'

(I Motion To the Pairs of Ice Skates in the Floor)

Demolisher: 'What Are They?

Me: 'Ice Skates'

Megatron: 'Eh?'

Me: 'Ice Skates You Put Them on Your Feet'

Cyclonus: 'Where on Your Hands?'

Me: 'Feet Cyclonus Like This' (I Tie Them to My Feet)

(Once They Put Their Skates On, They Followed Me into the Ice Rink)

Demolisher: 'Whoa it's Slippery- OW!'

(He Falls On To His Face with a Thud)

Me: 'I Am Going To Watch You Because It Is Necessary.'

Thunderwing 'Oh How Thrilling'

(Megatron Snickers)

Me: 'Well Carry On'

(The Rink Was Alive With Shouts of Frustration and Pain, Thunderwing and Demolisher Did A Pirouette and Crashed Into the Wall Headfirst. Cyclonus Did a Split In The Middle Of the Rink and both Galvatron and Megatron Jammed Their Horns into the Ice)

Me: 'This Is So Much Fun'

Thunderwing 'If This Is So Fun I Forgot To Have It'

Me: 'Shut It Thunderponce'

(Megatron Soared Over My Head and Hit Thunderwing Who's Head Jammed Further into the Wall)

Demolisher: 'Hey I Think I Have Gotten the Hang of-#Thud#- Or Not'

Galvatron: Whoa Curses- Oomph (He Face Plants into the Floor)

(Cyclonus Comes Out Of No Were Crashes Into Galvatron Who Landed On Megatron Who Pushed Thunderwing Through The Wall And Out The Other Side.)

Thunderwing: 'Um Fleshling What Is This Supposed To Do'

(He Brandishes a Support Beam to the Rink)

Me: Thunderwing IS THAT THE SUPPORT BEAM TO THE BUILDING?!

Thunderwing: Ooohhh

(The Rink Falls Down In a Cloud of Bricks and Mortar)

Manager:** GET OUT, TAKE THESE HOOLIGANS WITH YOU, AND DO NOT BRING THEM BACK EVER, I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LET THEM COME HERE AND PUT ME OUT OF BUISNESS**

Cyclonus: 'What's The Plan?'

Me: 'Warp Away'

**We Warped Away**

**Boy That Went Well It Left Me A Months Worth Of Allowance Short By The Time I Paid For The Damage**.

* * *

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	10. Welsh shin kicking

**Sports relief special**

**A/n:** It is back! Bigger, longer uncut and teeming with mayhem!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own transformers

**W is for welsh shin kicking**

My students: G1 Shrapnel, Kickback, bombshell, Ransack, barrage, Armada megatron, (Energon) Shockblast (Animated) Blitzwing.

Let it begin!

Every one appears in a gymnasium at a leisure centre.

Megatron: Now where has she taken us?!

Ransack: Who are you taking about?

Me: Now class-

Megatron: whispers Her.

Shockblast: -now nothing if you do not take us home right now I'll-

Blitzwing: Exprezz mein feelings en zong?

Shockblast: Grumbles No! we are going to get a taste of more bloody sport.

All: groans Marvlous

Me: Now class we will be doing Welsh Shin Kicking.

Ransack: What?

Me: Welsh shin kicking.

Megatron: Oh I'd like to kick you, you little monster right in the...Megatron has his mouth washed out with soap ...nevermind.

Kickback: Welsh shin kicking how do you play it?

Bombshell: Do you use cerebral shells?

Me: no you kick peoples shins untill they give in or vice versa now each of you will get into pairs and hold onto each others shoulders

They got into pairs and held eachother's sholders

Kickback: Now what?

Me: start kicking your partner's shins

(Kickback and Megatron kicked eachother in the groins instead.)

Megatron: Why you little-

Soap thrusts into his mouth.

Me: kick his Shins Kickback not his codpiece.

Ransack kicked shockblast into a wall and into a pile of hockey sticks.

Me: You win...I think.

(Shockblast comes flying out of the hole swinging a hockey stick around furiously.)

Shockblast: Why you rust encrusted locust...I'll pulverize you!

Me: Put the stick down-

(Shockblast takes a swing at Ransack)

WHAM#

Me: YEOWCH!

Shockblast: Sarcastic Oh awfully sorry.

Me: GET BACK TO WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!

(Everyone started kicking each other; Blitzwing did more of a frenzied cancan than actual kicking.)

Blitzwing: Cha, cha, cha.

Shrapnel: Okay this is just weird, weird.

Blitzwing: Daaaa daaa deedee dee daah da dee de da da la dee daa de da deda da!

(Kickback accidentally missed Megatron's shin and kicked Bombshell in the backside.)

Bombshell: Ow! what was that for Kickback!

Kickback: For megaitachi.

Bombshell: It hurt.

Kickback: It's supposed to hurt.

Bombshell: You need your optics testing your aim is apalling!

(Ransack kicked Shockblast across the hall and into a netball net while Bombshell kicked at Barrage's shins and Barrage did the same barely missing Blitz wing's daft can, can.)

Shrapnel: Come back here I need to kick your shins, shins.

Blitzwing: Moulin rouge here I come prevare joor zelves vor zhe magnificent Blitzving!

Shrapnel: COME HERE, HERE!

Me: Focus people FOCUS!

(The focus flew out the window as they continued to kick the wrong transformer and in the wrong places. Ransack decided to pair with bombshell and Barrage much to the chagrin of Shockblast who decided to pair up with Kickback and Megatron.)

Blitzwing: Curious eet seemz azthogh mein zhinz are aching.

Shrapnel: Oh now you switch to icy, icy.

Me: Please focus on the lesson!

(Ransack landed a Kick to a wall that cracked slightly I groan softly).

Me: Kick your partner not the wall Ransack.

Blitzwing: Zo vho kickz mein shinz?

Ransack: Welsh Shin kicking apparently.

Blitzwing: Vhat?!

#WHAM#

Ransack: That.

Blitzwing: Rubs shin Ow Ransack zhat hurt joo glitch!

Ransack: That is the objective. Isn't it three face?

Blitzwing: Zhe name iz Blitzving insect!

Ransack: I know-

(Kickback went flying into the nearest wall shattering it and landed in the sauna)

Me: NOW, NOW LETS NOT BE DISTRACTED!

(Bombshell hits the celing with a loud bang)

Shockblast: I like this sport.

Barrage: Shin kicking I love it.

(Barrage kicks Blitzwing in the shin hard.)

Me: I would like to kick the one who invented this game so hard that they won't walk for a month.

#Wham#

Me: YEOW BARRAGE!

Barrage: What!

Me: resignedly Forget it.

(Ransack kicks barrage really hard in the back which caused a brawl to develop between them.)

Me: Squirts water at them STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!

(The lesson got wilder and wilder, Shockblast kicked Shrapnel across the hall and into a wall causing a crack to appear, Blitzwing landed on top of him after being kicked by Kickback who he himself ended up embedded into the wall due to Ransack kicking him in the back)

Me: Focus people on the task at hand…or not.

(More transformers piled into the wall causing the celing to crack.

Shrapnel: Get off me you are crushing me, me!

Kickback: If you get Ransack off my shoulder struts and then I'll get off yer noggin.

Me: I give up Shin kicking is a useless idea anyway.

(The ceiling finally collapsed as Megatron was kicked into it causing the entire gym to disintegrate into dust)

Manager: I could just walk away right now…..I am not going to stand for these idiotic sports lessons!He phones the police

**We Warped Away**

**Boy That Went Well It Left Me A Months Worth Of Allowance Short By The Time I Paid For The Damage**.


	11. Sincere apologies to everyone

Dear Loyal Sports Relief fans,

I regret to mention that This fan fiction is hereby discontinued till further notice. I would like to thank those who have reviewed and made this my sucessful fic of all time. I will not delete the story, it will stay in my story publish history for others to read at their lesiure.

I also wish to thank Seiberwing for a impromtu burst of insperation in the creation of this fan fic. without that (then) scathing review on the martha dark halo fic (I lost all the drafts for it). Sports relief special wouldn't have existed.

Thank you everyone

PP9.7


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